Wow when would I stop with those titles. I really try to keep it upbeat for this online open diary but we’ll see how i feel as time goes by. I extremely loathe Fridays like these and I try my best not to depend on anyone for my happiness but it surely helps when you have company to do little things. Maybe also this can give some introspection on how other’s feel on a normal day like this I suppose.
So Happy November and Welcome to November 2018. Looking back I remember when I was younger I could reminisce on winter pics on photography blogs which were now up and running okay maybe I was already and adult lol. Point being this is usually my favourite time of the year the last three months. Looking back at the success along with the sadness which clouded a lot of this year, it was really bittersweet. Writing this is difficult in itself and I have slight PTSD being out of school which is essentially a break because around this time we Both who run this blog are neck deep in mid-terms and finals prep.
So case in point among the bitter aspects of 2018 the sweet was completing one part of the journey. I never profess that we or I am special because a lot of folks grow through much more worse in life. I guess it’s sometimes my Type A personality acting out? I think if I even am it’s possibly a minor part lol , I do have the to do lists etc out and I can be extremely organized when need be to a possibly unhealthy point.
But opening any new chapter can be tremendously nerve wrecking, you wonder if to progress forward or to stay in a warm cozy comfort zone or more so being forced into one. That is in itself another drawn out topic. I have been really okay in a particular aspect of my weekend life of saying NO to something I usually do and now I felt that with age and pressure I am no longer succumbing to that. The irony is with me saying NO now I have begun to see a different and also disappointing side to people that I partially anticipated. Still sooo shocked that what this institution professes they do not actually PRACTICE. However C’est la vie right?
It was both our birthdays just a few days ago and one addition in life besides my age I keep thinking about. All the dreams and fantasies we hope for, how terrible a life when you do not even attain any of it. I believe that one day we all have to account for how we lived and what we did and also that when we leave this lovely but many times sad earth we take nothing but ourselves. However as the natural curious person which I am. I wonder can people block you from attaining those heights based on their own fears and sometimes envy? Why do people who are sometimes 2x or even 3x your age always want to direct where you should go when THEY have lived or seem content with life. I also believe we should never just give up on anything but pursue it with fervour.
I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming of things that seem impossible because the feeling after you get them cannot even be contained or properly expressed. Especially when people say that YOU Cannot! I also believe that regardless of what is placed in your head you have to strip away from toxic people regardless of who they are to you. Some people can block everything for you especially when they assume the role of protector to which they never had. So such are the ramblings on a friday, one that is pretty difficult and I am also learning not to really place any added pressure on people or even take on issues that have absolutely nothing to do with me.
I will forever be that internal which sometimes get external optimist even with opposition all around.
elandos just staying strong